'Pride and Joy' conference helps parents, kids connect

UTICA —

An unspoken ache fills 10-year-old Molly Stanton’s heart when her schoolmates use the words gay or queer to express their negative feelings toward something or someone.

The words cut deep into the fabric of the little girl’s Auburn family – made up of her sister Michaela Stanton, mother Jill Stanton, and her mother’s partner Grace Plvan. Few of her peers could possibly understand that hurt.

But 11-year-old Emily Harrigan — the daughter of lesbian parents — could relate.
Like many others, the little girls got the chance to connect at this week’s 2009 Pride and Joy Families Weekend Conference at the Radisson Hotel Utica-Centre. That’s where 250 individuals, including 45 lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender families, came together for three days to participate in educational workshops and social activities revolving around the joys and challenges of being part of a same-sex family. “It’s a good thing to meet other LGBT kids and parents — just to meet other kids to hear their stories, just to know there are other kids, and I’m not the only one with an LGBT family,” Molly said, as Emily stood close by near the end of the conference Sunday.

The girls, who live almost four hours apart, will build on their newfound bond as pen pals, they said. Those bonds are important, some said.“It’s so important for our children to find support and commonality, said Claudia Stallman, project director of the Lesbian and Gay Family Building Project, an event sponsor. The weekend’s workshops and panels were one way of providing that for children and for adults. Workshops on topics such as legal protection for LGBT parents and communicating with your children about being a part of a LGBT family were among the conference’s most popular choices, Stallman said. Education and knowledge – for all people – about LGBT families is vital, she added.“It’s very important for us to pave the way for our children, so they don’t have to spend their lives defending themselves,” she said.

Some same-sex parents in attendance at the conference said the event helped them cope with the extra challenges their families face.“The world is sort of set up for families with a mom and a dad; Pride and Joy makes living in that world a little easier,” said Sean Massey, a Binghamton common council member who, with his partner of 23 years, adopted son Alfie Massey, 6, six years ago.“When we’re not at the conference and Alfie’s going to school, we have other families like ours, but we are in the minority,” he said.

Being a part of that minority presents challenges from others, like ignorance or faulty assumptions. “There aren’t materials at school that might look like our families, there are assumptions made, and we end up having to educate,” Massey said. “And although it gets tiring, it’s certainly worthwhile,” he said, taking a moment to gently scold Alfie for taking a ball from one of his older peers.

The minority spot isn’t always challenging, however. Often, what bonds parents are their children, and the title of parent connects Massey, his partner Loren Couch and Alfie with heterosexual-parent-led families, Massey said.“What I notice is the way we connect with one another is not about my partner, it’s not about sexual orientation, it’s about us both being parents,” he said. “And although I always anticipate there being negative reaction, most of the time we talk about the issues of raising a 6-year-old – issues at school and making play dates.”

That blind acceptance is how Emily hopes others will see her family of two moms and two adopted daughters. “(Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer) parents are just like anyone else on the inside, but they just look different from the outside,” Emily said, leaning her head into the crook of mom Cindy Harrigan’s arm.

http://www.uticaod.com/archive/x1098184948/Pride-and-Joy-conference-helps-parents-kids-connect

The new 2008 Directory is here!

The Lesbian and Gay Family Building Project, a program of Ferre Institute, Inc., is pleased to provide its Directory of Family Building Services for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender (LGBT) People. The Directory is designed to assist LGBT people in upstate New York find health and human service providers that will help them build and strengthen their families. Each of the organizations and providers listed here is either explicitly LGBT-affirming or has signed a consent stating that “listing in the Directory makes a statement to LGBT individuals and couples that they deserve and can expect caring and sensitive service from my/our organization.” Obviously, however, the Family Building Project cannot guarantee that consumers will be satisfied with their experience with a given provider. Nor can we state that the Directory is a complete list of LGBT affirming practices.

Providers can list by completing our Provider Listing Form. Interested individuals can search the directory for providers who will meet their needs. Here is the link for the directory:    http://lgbtservicesdirectory.com/

Find a PDF version of the LGBT Services Directory here.

The Community Centered Family Health History Program Award enables us to survey LGBT families about their attitudes concerning the importance of family health history and from that information, create a customized toolkit. This toolkit will contain LGBT sensitive materials for health history information collection and organization to be used in an effort to create a healthier LGBT community.

The LGBT Family Toolkits are Here!

"Does it Run in The Family?", our brand new toolkits which assist LGBT families in collecting and recording family health histories are now available. These booklets are full of information and tools that will help you keep track of important medical and health information that can make a big difference in the future of your family.

We are mailing a free copy of "Does it Run in The Family?" to everyone on our mailing list. If you are not on our list, but would like a copy, contact us and we will send one to you within 7 - 10 working days.